Now what?
My methods of dealing with… it… again.
I should have known Tuesday morning when a sinus infection stopped me in my tracks. My body already knew what was going to happen.
I am constantly confronted with huge waves of emotion hitting me square in the chest and I have to stop everything to let them wash over me.
Things that have helped:
Buying a bunch of doughnuts from “the good spot” and bringing them on my morning walk to pass them out among friends
Walking, getting sun on my face, smelling the ocean
Reminding myself of what is within my control, and what is not in my control
Looking at things that remind me that life is a lot longer than a presidential term
Minor distractions
Put the fucking phone down
Play with the toddler who is right in front of you
Clean
Laundry
Swimming
Stitches, in order to “put the fucking phone down”
I spent the week processing by stitching. I needed to keep both of my hands occupied. My hands can’t pick up a phone if they are stitching.
Stitches are spells: tiny dreams, well wishes. Spending an afternoon stitching is casting a spell for a better world.
It’s a meditation with your hands.
Several sewing teachers of mine have relayed this same wisdom: “Resist the urge to go back and fix imperfections.” For some reason this phrase kept running through my head all week.p
Being with people, being alone, walking
It’s different than in 2016. Then, I was shocked and outraged because the popular vote spoke of a different reality. This time, I understand, this is the will of the people, this is precisely what the people want. And I’m so disappointed in them. It’s hard to be disappointed in 70 million people at the same time. I can’t even fathom the number, 70 million.
I would say we are having an extended “locals summer” due to the warm weather. One of the summer food spots has remained open on weekends and we spent Friday evening having dinner there. It's the kind of place you can go, and you don’t have to make plans, but you get to eat dinner spontaneously with your neighbors. You don’t know which neighbors are going to show up, but they will. It’s special. Going out and being face to face with real people helps, because in my mind all of those 70 million are inhuman, and it’s easy to forget that real humans are right there in the house next to yours.
I always think about how lucky I am to live in a place like this. Where people say hello to one another, where casual acquaintances are abundant. There’s almost always someone at the playground, or YMCA, or library or food court to spend an hour with. All you have to do is leave your house. It’s a blessing and a curse though, if you want to go for a long anonymous walk. Good fucking luck.
I went to the city on Friday just to spend a day by myself. I was craving the anonymity of manhattan. I can walk down the street and no one knows me or wants to stop and chat. I can get swept up in the crowds and spend a day, for me. Walking walking walking. Another form of meditation. I walked until I did not think my legs could carry me any farther and then I walked some more.
Reaching out
I can almost guarantee you that someone in your sphere is drowning right now. A person who is caregiving for an aging parent, an aging person with no immediate family nearby, a newish parent or a seasoned parent that’s just going through a phase, a teen or librarian or someone around you is struggling. Start offering people you know help - they might not need it right now but they just might take you up on it.
Tips for offering help
Be specific in your offer
I’m cooking x for dinner tonight, do you want me to make an extra portion to bring you?
I can watch your dog for 2 days this week, I know you have a lot on your plate
I can come over and reset your kitchen or living room
Etc
Give a specific time frame
Give one or two options
Make a couple of offerings and see what happens. A strong and resilient local community is the foundation of our lives. National elections come and go and are rightfully stressful, but your day-to-day goes on no matter what.
If you are reading this and a specific person has popped into your mind, stop everything and send a text right now.
“Thinking of you” is one of the most powerful sentences a person can hear.
Dreaming
Whether you are breathing a sigh of relief or holding your breath for another four years there are a million things to do between now and then. First of all, if you feel like neither candidate was good enough, this would be a great time to dream up and write down what a great candidate is for you. Make a list of everything you want, dream big. The power of writing down what you want can’t be overstated. Seek out those people in your own community and local government. Stay active in the smaller elections, that’s where it all begins.
Here’s the beginning of my list:
A Mother. Not referring specifically to a person who gave birth, but a Mother with a capital M as in someone who has cared for another person deeply.
A person who is vehemently anti-war.
A person who would be willing to shut down the nuclear program.
A person who actually says and believes that we will have healthcare for all.
A person who wants to put abortion rights into federal law.
A person who looks at the education system and says, “You know what we need to make this better? More resources, better pay for educators and administrators, more support for families with young children, more after school programs.”
A person with the vision for a more equitable and joyful world.
Gosh, if I’m dreaming big, I want a joyful President. Wouldn’t that be nice? Someone who knows joy and wants it for everyone.
See you next week!
Bekka